


Nicotine

by phoenixwwitch



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco, Reddie, Stozier, this is so sad I’m so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 01:10:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21347812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixwwitch/pseuds/phoenixwwitch
Summary: Stan didn’t like Richie. Not even in the least bit, except his hair was cute and curly and his smile was contagious...
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 77





	Nicotine

**Author's Note:**

> song lyrics in bold

Stan didn’t like Richie Tozier, that was one of the only things in life he was sure of. Stanley Uris had known him since they were 3 and his judgment never wavered. Richie was messy, chaotic, unorganized, _loud_.

**Cross my heart and hope to die **

They were best friends, the first ones of the so called losers club. The founders of the group of outcasts because the town they lived in was nothing but cruel. Stan was sure Richie only hung around him to annoy him but it was better than being alone.

**Burn my lungs and curse my eyes**

Stan didn’t like Richie, even when Bill and Eddie came around and he was nervous of new people in his life. Even when Richie would try and make Stan smile or laugh to forget about what was bothering him. Even when Richie would sneak over and hang out with Stan when he couldn’t leave the house because he needed to study.

**I’ve lost control and I don’t want it back **

Bill would go bird watching with Stan and draw the birds around him, Eddie would help him with his homework. While Richie loud mouthed about some comic book or told ‘your mom’ jokes. One day, Richie stopped coming over and started hanging out more with Eddie.

**I’m going numb, I’ve been hijacked**

Stan still didn’t like Richie, but he missed the talks they had and the stupid jokes he would make to make him smile. He missed watching Richie clean his space when Stan come over. He missed the dumb names he would call the birds out in the park. He missed the hugs and cuddles they told no one about. 

**It’s a fucking drag**

Richie would go out of his way to make Eddie laugh, he carried around medical supplies in his backpack just in case. He gave him piggyback rides and carried him over his shoulder when he got tired. Richie looked at Eddie like he’d hung the moon and the stars and he knew Richie loved him. How? Because that’s the way he looked at Richie.

**I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you**

Stan didn’t like Richie, he _loved_ him. He loved the way he could make up stories on the spot, the way his eyes lit up when Stan genuinely laughed at his jokes. He loved his curly, messy hair and how he desperately wanted to run his hands through it. He loved looking into his big, brown eyes exaggerated by his glasses and he loved how he could fit into Richie’s arms and felt loved and safe. 

**So I say damn your kiss and the awful things you do**

Lying on top of him like the old days in the summer of 1990, Richie’s hands subconsciously running over the scars on the side of Stan’s face because he knew how much it soothed him. Stan let his heart control him before his brain and he kissed him. It was light and gentle and then Stan was grabbing his face with both hands and pulling him closer into a more passionate kiss. 

“Stan- I, I’m sorry. I don’t-”

**You’re worse than nicotine**

“I know. I’m sorry- I’ll go now.” Stan pulled away quickly. Trying to hide his sniffles and tears falling down his red cheeks, he was ashamed. He knew how this would end and yet if he let his heart win again he would go back for more. He collapsed in on himself and sobbed into his knees, how could he be so goddamn stupid? He was Jewish in a Christian town, a gay boy- son of the Rabbi, no one would ever want him. 

**You’re worse than nicotine**

Stan loved Richie and Richie loved Eddie, that was the way of the world. He didn’t talk to Richie much anymore, he didn’t smile or laugh. Richie gave up trying, devoting his light to focus on Eddie; leaving Stan in the dark. But he continued to love him, despite knowing he would never love him back.

**It’s better to burn than to fade away**

“Stan, I miss you.” The golden headed boy only nodded in response.

“Stan, I’m sorry but I didn’t even think you liked me..” 

He looked up at the confused, messy boy in front of him and thought to himself, _“I love you. I love you more than anything, I know I’m bad at showing it and I was so scared to lose my only friend- my best friend. Yet I already have.” _

Richie blinked and sighed, getting up from beside him on Stan’s couch and walking out the door. Stan’s heart broke for a second time that night and it would never heal properly.

**It’s better to leave than to be replaced**

He would watch as Richie mercilessly flirted with Eddie or anyone within the vicinity, except him. He didn’t make jokes around him anymore, he wasn’t even Stan the Man, he was just Stan. Bill and Bev tried taking him out to get his mind off things but it never worked. He’d see a g happy couple or worse, Richie himself and the tear ducts would open.

**I’m losing to you, baby, I’m no match**

It was a fun game of truth or dare, until Ben dared him to kiss the prettiest person in the room. The world stopped and Stan couldn’t breathe, so he got up and left- running out the door of Bill’s house. Richie ran after him, mostly because the other losers yelled at him to.

“Stan, what the fuck?!”

“Fuck off, Rich.”

“No, you’re being ridiculous, you have to get over it.” That’s what set him off, get over it? Was he kidding?

“Get over it? Get over it?! Are you fucking kidding me, Richie? Do you even know how much it fucking hurts? I know you don’t love me, but I have to watch you pine over our best friend. I have to watch as you slowly get farther and farther away from me because of what I did. You don’t know what I would give to take it back, so that you would still be my friend.”

**I’m going numb, I’ve been hijacked**

Richie stood there stunned, hesitantly starting to walk toward Stan. Stan backed away and shook his head,

“I don’t want to be pitied, I don’t want you to hang out with me out of fucking pity. Just leave me alone.” 

Stan walked away, not once looking back until he got to his front door. Richie hadn’t followed him and he walked back upstairs, into his closet, and picked up an old sweater. It belonged to Richie and Stan would steal it everyday because he was always so cold. He held it close to his chest and sobbed into it. He would always be Richie’s but Richie would never be his. 

**It’s a fucking drag**

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry (am I though?)


End file.
